I’m honored to share a set of open-access resources developed to support equity-based teaching, organizing, and collaboration. Community is the Way: Engaged Writing and Designing for Transformative Change is now available in three accessible formats: a book, an audiobook, and a free Educator’s Toolkit. Together, these materials are meant to serve educators, nonprofit leaders, students, and community partners working toward more just and inclusive practices.

What’s Included

— The Book
Published by the WAC Clearinghouse/University Press of Colorado, Community is the Way offers a grounded framework for designing equitable, community-led partnerships. Drawing from years of fieldwork and experience directing a community writing program, the book explores how community-led design, co-creation, and relationship-building shape our efforts to build lasting change. It includes concrete examples, design principles, and strategies for reciprocity in practice.

— The Audiobook
A rare offering in academic publishing, the full audiobook is now available to listen for free via the publisher or on Audible for $1. It was created to support accessibility for students, educators, working professionals, and anyone who prefers to learn through listening.

— The Educator’s Toolkit
This 85-page guide includes classroom activities, discussion prompts, reflective writing exercises, and media worksheets. It was designed to help educators and facilitators bring conversations about justice, equity, and co-creation into undergraduate and graduate classrooms, faculty reading groups, or community-based learning environments. The toolkit builds directly from the book’s core ideas and is meant to be adaptable, actionable, and easy to use.

Why Open Access?
I believe this work—on co-creation, power-sharing, and equity—should be available to those doing the work. These resources were created to be used. Open scholarship isn’t only about access. It’s about values. It’s about sharing tools, supporting each other’s efforts, and making space for change.

You can find everything here:
→ Audiobook + Educator’s Toolkit + Open Resources
→ Audible audiobook link

If you use these resources in your work—or have thoughts about what’s still needed—I’d love to hear from you. Here’s to building new partnerships, shared tools, and more possibilities together.

—Aimée

January 2025 ~ This is precisely the time for writers, artists, teachers, and activists to step forward and act with intention. Toni Morrison’s powerful words resonate:

These words are a call to action. They offer clarity and resolve. In moments of political and cultural upheaval, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed or tempted to withdraw. Yet, our roles as creators and connectors are indispensable. Through language, imagination, and community, we create bridges and carve out spaces for healing and transformation.

The work we do

As writers, scholars, teachers, and activists, we hold unique positions within institutions and communities. We design syllabi, write essays, launch projects, and lead discussions that ripple outward.

However, the institutions we inhabit can sometimes feel misaligned with the values we hold dear. Why? Bureaucratic inertia, systemic inequities, and competing priorities can obstruct meaningful change.

Artist Andrea Fraser reminds us:

“We are the institution. It’s a question of what kind of institution we are, what kind of values we institutionalize, what forms of practice we reward.”

This perspective challenges us to reflect: How can we embody our values in the work we do? Whether in a classroom, on a page, or in a community meeting, every action holds the potential to foster equity, compassion, and justice.

Chaos as catalyst

Morrison’s wisdom reframes chaos: not as a source of despair but as fertile ground for discovery and growth. She writes:

In this, she invites us to see turmoil as a teacher.

When fear and division dominate the landscape, our creative work becomes an act of defiance—a way of making meaning and asserting hope. The challenge, then, is not merely to endure chaos but to harness it as a force for insight and transformation.

Prompts for the year ahead

To ground your creative practice and spark ideas, consider these prompts designed to deepen your work and align it with your values:

Reimagine the institution: Reflect on a system or institution you engage with regularly. How might you reshape its practices to align more closely with equity and justice?

Create with purpose: Identify a project—a lesson plan, essay, or community initiative—you’ve been wanting to pursue. Write about why it matters to you and the people it will impact.

Design for rest: In turbulent times, rest is a radical act. Create a list of rituals that sustain your creativity and resilience. What do you need to nurture your practice?

Build bridges: Think of a group or individual you’ve been meaning to collaborate with. Draft an email or message to initiate the connection.

Map your impact: Reflect on how your work contributes to healing and transformation. Who benefits? What change do you envision? Expand on what “healing” looks like in your specific context.

As we step into the year ahead, let’s approach our work with intention and care. There’s no need to have all the answers or to strive for perfection. Instead, we can focus on what feels true and meaningful—work that nurtures connection, healing, and growth.

Approach #1 

I had to laugh at myself recently. I’ve been laid up with back pain from an injury for the past couple of months. Week after week, the pain wore me down. No position relieved me — sitting, standing, walking, or lying down. The more I thought about it, the worse it seemed to get. It was so horrible that I started to pray. My prayer sounded something like this:

The prayer showed my desperation, imagining that there was a God out there that I could reason with. Bargain with. It was a very Western approach to prayer - where I entreated an entity out there to fix something for me down here. The trouble was, I don’t believe in the kind of God up there who answers prayers. So I kept on searching.

Approach #2 

Rather than reject prayer altogether, I tried an Eastern approach. This approach to prayer looks and feels quite different. There are a variety of gods/buddhas/bodhisattvas to pray to in Eastern traditions. Refreshingly, they each symbolize an inner attribute that we already embody, such as wisdom, compassion, strength, or courage. When we “pray” to them, it is a way to call on or invoke these inherent qualities, already present in us. 

This made sense to me, to interpret the god as a symbol or metaphor for an inner quality that we need to tap into. Since I thought I needed some strength to endure the horrible back pain, I looked up Vajrapāṇi, an early god in the Mahāyāna Buddhist tradition that represented power, strength, and courage. I tried to invoke this god’s strength: 

The trouble was, I don’t really know this god— at least on a cultural level. I couldn’t just appropriate this god for my own purposes. 

Approach #3 

But maybe I did know this god, or one like it, on a spiritual level. Maybe when I listened deeply to my inner awareness I could call on some protector. I could finally find a way to invoke my inner strength.

But what I found when I quieted my mind and listened deeply wasn’t a way to endure or accept the discomfort. Who was accepting or rejecting the pain? Accepting or rejecting the pain are two sides of the same coin  - and would mean identifying with an ego. An ego who is trying to accept or reject suffering. 

Instead, I could acknowledge whatever was happening as a way to develop the enlightened qualities already inside of me—courage, love, forgiveness, and compassion. This was a different kind of consciousness than one derived from the ego alone.  So, I created a new prayer that could accompany it: 

What is your own experience with prayer? When do you pray? What, if anything, feels authentic to you? 

During the summer, I plan a personal mindfulness retreat to focus on contemplative practices, meditation, and writing. Create your own personal retreat with some of these approaches — whether you are traveling or taking a staycation.

Travel forces us out of our day-to-day routine and invites us to see a place (and ourselves) with fresh eyes. With a contemplative travel mindset, we can approach our experiences with a heightened sense of awareness, engage meaningfully with local cultures, and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

Rest — just rest

Rest. For no other reason than rest. You do not need to rest to be better, have more focus, strength, or anything else. According to Tricia Hersey, you can “disrupt and push back against capitalism and white supremacy by connecting to the liberating power of rest, daydreaming, and naps as a foundation for healing and justice.” While traveling, I am reading her book Rest as Resistance: A Manifesto, which received the Gold Nautilus Book Award for social change and justice.

Cultivating mindful awareness

I’ve been cultivating mindful awareness this week with a daily mental body scan. With body scans, you learn to relax your body and strengthen your mind/body connection. The scans develop present-moment awareness and connection with the senses.  I’ve seen how effectively this changes my brain wave state from a normal (and usually anxious) beta state to a more relaxed alpha or delta state. This is ideal for promoting relaxation, creativity, and reflection. The scans take around 15 minutes and can be done anywhere (except when driving). You can practice this mindfulness technique in a scenic location, such as a park or garden, to enhance present-moment awareness and your state of mind. Here is a link to a body scan by Tara Brach.

Engage with local cultures

Find ways to engage with and learn from local communities. I’m lucky to engage with communities in my writing workshops and am slowly building some authentic connections in New Mexico. But what if you don’t know anyone when you’re traveling? You could participate in a guided walking tour to learn about the rich history of a place, visit a museum or gallery to immerse yourself in the art scene or participate in a tradition or festival to soak up some local knowledge.

Walking meditation

Appreciate the beauty of the natural environment and its impact on personal well-being. A mindful walking/hiking experience encourages a sense of presence and appreciation for natural beauty. With mindful walking, the idea is to focus on what you would do automatically (such as lifting the feet, shifting your weight, or placing the feet on the ground). An early morning hike in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains included bird watching and mindful breathing (due to the altitude of 7,000 feet)!  

Mindful gastronomy

When traveling, cultivate an appreciation of the place through local food. Visit an artisan food shop (such as a bakery, cheese shop, or winery) or farmer’s market to meet local producers and experience a connection to the land. Last year I worked with Lois Ellen Frank and Walter Whitewater of Red Mesa Cuisine, who taught us about native foodways and cooked an indigenous lunch at one of my writing workshops. 

Contemplative photography

Explore photography as a contemplative practice. With your camera or phone, try to capture the essence of a place. Look closely and relax the eye and mind to see just one thing: a color, a texture, a reflection, or a shadow. Take the photo without judgment from a place of pure perception, without the conceptual mind naming colors, textures, etc.

Contemplative writing

Whether you are capturing meaningful moments or using prompts for guided reflection, a journaling practice can deepen self-awareness and discovery during travel. The technique of contemplative writing involves being aware of the present moment, watching your thoughts, and recording them without judgment. Keep the pen moving for a set period of time.

Integration & future travel plans

Travel often brings new insights and perspectives. What stands out to you in your travels? What is transformative for you? When you return home, do you integrate some of what you’ve learned into daily life? How do you sustain these new practices? How can your future travel plans align with your continued personal growth and exploration? 

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In this post, we’re exploring new ways to direct our energy to real-world issues that are defined by communities.

It was a pleasure to be face to face again, giving a workshop at the Computers and Writing Conference at UC Davis. Talking with people about the design of their projects is one of my favorite things to do. In my “Beyond Design Thinking: Designing for Equity” workshop, we discussed how design thinking could be harmful as a stand-alone process. We examined alternatives such as co-design, design justice, and my own contribution, equity-based design.

When we got to the point in the workshop where participants created their own inclusive, equity-focused design process - I was surprised at how powerful this question was:

Participants said they hadn’t considered that as a starting point for their projects. There is a subtle shift when we start asking this question. Many people focus on their audience, but I think we should be focusing on our communities. The rhetorical concept of the audience can seem static, whereas community is dynamic — something that we can actively nurture, grow, and develop.

I found the question “How are we building community” to be transformative in my work. The question shifted my research from a more academic and self-interested agenda toward something lasting and meaningful to others — to communities.

This is not always an easy shift. During this workshop, I realized that participants would have benefited from a more specific process to guide them through thinking about the (deceptively simple) question, “How are we building community?”

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How can we direct our energy to real-world issues that are defined by communities?

In most of the projects that I encounter, there is a community lurking there. Is it a community of readers? Of makers? Of writers? Of knitters? Of students? Of hackers? Of researchers? Of cheese lovers? It doesn’t matter what kind of community it is. What does matter in this community-led approach is that we are putting their gains first. Their visions. Their hopes.

In order to do this, we need to know what those are. This isn’t always a straightforward answer. Secondly, we need to know how we can develop the community’s assets and resources from within the community. This is incredibly worthwhile — if and when it is accomplished.

After reflecting on the workshop in California, I decided to create an online workshop to support and guide people in this process. This workshop will be open to nonprofits, community-based organizations, educators, activists, and practitioners invested in delving into a process of how we can genuinely build community.

I’m interested in how you are engaging and building community. Would this workshop be helpful? Let me know your interests in the comments below.

My book Community is the Way: Engaged Writing and Designing for Transformative Change is free and open access, published through the University Press of Colorado/WAC Clearinghouse.

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It was Wednesday, November 9, 2016. Donald Trump, the Republican nominee for the 2016 presidential election, became the president-elect of the United States after defeating Hillary Clinton. For some, this was a surprise victory. Tension and unrest ran high throughout my university campus, just like it did throughout the country. Like other college campuses, there was an upsurge in verbal threats and violent incidents.

Our university president sent a campus-wide email message in response to this tense climate. It read:

"We must understand that our own community on Hawk Hill includes those who are celebrating the victory of the candidate they supported, those who are grieving and sense a true loss, and, regrettably, those who feel scared, uncomfortable, and even unsafe.

The feelings of our colleagues, friends and classmates are genuine. We must be mindful of them and demonstrate compassion toward one another. Let us face our challenges honestly, openly address what may be uncomfortable and not miss the chance to grow as a community and emerge even stronger."

The one problem with this very well-meaning message was that not everyone knew how to do this work of community building. We didn't all know how to face our challenges honestly, without judgment. We didn't know how to openly address what may be uncomfortable. We didn't collectively know how to sit with our discomfort. We didn't know how to even begin embracing this as an opportunity to grow as a campus community — because we did not know how to listen to one another.

It was then I felt we had all lost our ability for dialogue.

In the classroom that day tensions were high. From my students' faces, I tried to read the room. I tried to recognize their moods. It was obvious that they were dealing with a range of emotions, including confusion, frustration, anger, guilt, and shame. I quickly stopped having class as usual and gave students some free time to write. I asked them to write about what they were sitting with. I asked them to specifically write about what questions they currently had in regard to the election news. Then I gave them the option to turn in their writing – anonymously.

Here is what their questions sounded like:

• Why is it that the people who stood for "loving everyone" are all of a sudden hating on anyone who has a different opinion?

• How can I teach others to see why this election is wrong without seeming judgmental or condescending?

• Is it possible to "agree to disagree" about this election?

• How do I talk to others without getting upset or angry?

• Why am I losing friends for being right?

• How can I talk about politics now without my friends viewing me in a negative way?

This data set also reflected what was happening outside the university walls. It was clear that they were a class politically divided (about 50/50). But what we all had in common was our fears: fears of conflict, fear of being attacked, fear of creating bad or uncomfortable feelings, fear of accusation, and fear of counter-attacks. Why was there so much fear around speaking our thoughts aloud to one another? Perhaps because we didn't trust that we would be listened to. We feared our peers would judge us.

Regardless of their political beliefs, some students did not know how to hold space for different points of view, how to express their own beliefs, how to listen to others, and how to withhold judgment. Some didn't believe they should have to.

There was a clear need for dialogue, yet an unsureness in how to actually facilitate a productive one. Furthermore, it was more than just students who needed help engaging in productive dialogue. It was also clear that faculty at my university — and across the country – needed some tools to help them listen to where others were coming from.

As Beth Berila recommends in Integrating Mindfulness into Anti-Oppression Pedagogy: Social Justice in Higher Education, "these fraught moments are when our capacity for such dialogue so often fails us . . . are precisely the moments when we need to learn better ways of being with one another" (1).

Almost a year later, I was still thinking about this issue when I was reading Thich Nhat Hanh's The Art of Communicating. In this book, Hanh offers the idea of sending a Peace Note to those you are upset with. He calls the Peace Note a practice for compassionate communication.

He says:

"The peace note can be used as a healing tool when we're hurt or angry because of something someone has said or done." He says, "if you have difficulties with someone in your life, you might spend some time alone and write that person a real letter" (152). He asks us to look deeply into the nature of our relationship. "Why has communication been difficult? Why has happiness not been possible?" (152).

Hanh further explains the value of the Peace Note in How To Fight:

With permission from Plum Village, I created a form to facilitate this Peace Note method. A Peace Note helps us to engage in a mindful process that does more than communicate information.

A Peace Note helps guide us in difficult conversations. Instead of turning toward our phones and technology as a distraction, this tool can help us turn toward one another. Just like Hanh proposed, a Peace Note guides the practitioner through a process that lays the groundwork for a valuable and respectful interaction with another where there is currently struggle or tension.

Try it and see.

Send a Peace Note

Your recipient will then have a choice to respond with a Peace Note reply.

In early March 2020, right before the pandemic, I was planning a big ten-year celebration for the Beautiful Social Research Collaborative, a community writing program I direct where we collaborate with nonprofits and community-based organizations. Throughout the planning phase for this 10-year anniversary, I emphasized the number of completed projects. It meant a lot to say that we accomplished 100 projects in the first ten years. There was going to be a "100" in jumbo mylar balloons. 

We even took on an extra community project that year to achieve this feat. No one ever questioned this — it all seemed very self-evident. "100 in 2020" had a nice, impressive-sounding ring to it. I believed that it gave the enterprise legitimacy.

Then the pandemic hit, and that celebration plan quietly dissolved, like so many things. This is when I encountered Tema Okun's work on how white supremacy operates in organizations.

Thanks to Okun's work — especially with her maxims "Progress is bigger, more," and "Quantity over quality" — I began to reassess my approach to the Beautiful Social Research Collaborative. To my surprise, I realized that I was caught up in a mindset that prioritized quantity and progress over quality and process. 

Ok, but is that really a problem? So I completed a few more community partner projects than I would have - how is that so bad? It's doing more good for the community, right?  Yes, but no. 

This writing program is a large part of what I do professionally. I write a community engagement report about the collaborative's work each year for various stakeholders at the university. But in accounting for this work, no one ever said to me that numbers are a direct measure of success. No one ever told me that more is better. I was the one emphasizing quantity over quality. Because I assumed that was what people would appreciate!

I was in an achievement mindset when no one else was counting. I had been giving away my power to write the narrative and decide what matters for this organization. Where in our lives might we be letting others decide what matters?

Shifting focus from measurable goals to quality relationships

In pursuing measurable goals, I had to contemplate the organization’s values more deeply than I had been doing. I quickly realized that I valued building quality relationships within our community more than the projects themselves. While numbers (how many projects, followers, or likes) may have seemed important, true success (for us) lies in the depth and authenticity of our connections in the community. By valuing the quality of relationships and the extent of our ability to co-create with our community partners, we can foster an environment that nurtures trust, collaboration, and genuine engagement. The relationship is what I want people to take away from the program - not the number of projects we accomplish.

We can establish a living values statement that guides our day-to-day work, emphasizing what we value and how we will live up to those values.

See a list of core values here.

Core Values

33.8KB ∙ PDF file

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What better way to bring contemplative communication to an organization than through the intentional process of creating a values statement? But values statements need not be just for organizations. What if we all had one to guide our day-to-day “operations?”

Our values statement

"We are driven by the beautiful, social, and collaborative aspects of our work. We value community engagement, collaboration, and transformative change. Through our community-engaged writing program, we bring together students and local nonprofit/community-based organizations to co-create media-rich research projects that address identified issues. We provide free support in various areas, supporting organizations in achieving their goals. Our commitment to making a positive social impact drives us to continue our work with passion, integrity, and dedication."

In doing this exercise, I learned that progress doesn’t have to be measured by the size of our organization or the number of projects we accomplish. Instead, we can consider the quality of the services we provide and our impact on individuals and the community as a whole. Expanding our program or adding more projects might do little to accomplish our end goal - building meaningful collaborative relationships with community organizations as we work together to create transformative change. 

Embracing the Indigenous concept of "Seventh Generation Thinking" allows us to consider the long-term implications of our actions. We can ask ourselves how our decisions today will affect people seven generations from now. Progress is no longer defined by our growth but by the positive change we create in the lives of individuals and the community. 

Overall, these shifts in mindset allowed the Beautiful Social Research Collaborative to focus on fostering meaningful connections within the community. The organization recognized the value of relationships, process goals, and a long-term perspective, ensuring our work is guided by our values and commitment to transformative change.

Creating a living values statement changes our day-to-day operations in some important ways. For example, we say we value co-creation. This means we need to prioritize collaborative sessions between students and partner organizations to brainstorm ideas, set goals, and plan project activities. Here’s what we need to be doing regularly to ensure this happens:

• Guide students and partner organizations through the process of co-creating media-rich research projects.

• Provide support and resources for designing and implementing research methodologies, surveys, interviews, or data analysis.

• Foster an inclusive environment that values diverse perspectives and encourages active participation from all stakeholders in all phases of the partnership.

Instead of using objective numbers for evaluation, we can assess the level of satisfaction among partner organizations and students and the lasting impact of projects on the community. We can use our “living values statement” to make informed decisions, refine strategies, and drive the program toward greater success, impact, and alignment with our values.

Your turn

Contemplation is purposeful reflection. 

• Where might you be emphasizing the numbers over the values? Could it be in the number of projects completed? Awards received? Publications? Followers or likes? Hours worked? Weight? Salary? Age?

• What is behind the preoccupation with the numbers?

• How much of your worth is tied up in the numbers?

• Have you been letting others decide what matters? Have you been letting others decide what is worthy of your time and energy, what is important, and what to measure?

• Is there a deeper core value that might serve you better and more authentically?

Share any insights in the comments, I would love to hear them.

This post will guide you in taking a personal inventory of your values. This inventory encourages you to recognize both the positive and negative aspects of your life (no judgment!) and the habits that you've been nurturing. With this inventory, you'll possess a valuable tool for increased self-awareness and evaluating the changes you wish to bring about.

We will be working with values often. ACT inspires this practice — acceptance and commitment therapy — an evidence-based psychotherapy that integrates cutting-edge science with ancient Buddhist ideas.

“Central in both Buddhism and ACT is a recognition of the universality of human suffering and the awareness that practices of acceptance, mindfulness, and clarifying values help us transcend it. These kinds of skills have been shown to help people better manage mental illness, physical illness, profoundly stressful life circumstances, and even to play a better game of chess.” (Schonbrun, 2023)

Make time to take an inventory of your values today. If you can’t today, make a mindfulness date with yourself and put it on your calendar.

Reflection questions:

To maintain my integrity and direction, I need to clearly define my values. I would complete the following sentences in this way:

My most deeply held values are: 

Regarding my role in my community, I believe…

Regarding my responsibility to the environment, I believe: 

 I believe success is: 

(How will I know I when I’ve achieved success as I’ve defined it)

I believe happiness is…

Can you name your values?  

Can you name your top 4-5 values off the top of your head? Not the ones others believe you should have but your authentic values — the values that reveal your intentions for how you want to conduct yourself as a human being in the world. 

Full disclosure: When I first tried this, I found it really difficult. I had to read through a list of possible values to begin articulating my own. (See the values list below). Even then, it took a while to sift through them to find authentic ones. 

Values transcend visions for possessions or accomplishments. Instead, they focus on your day-to-day actions and behaviors. Values reflect how you want to treat yourself, others, and the world surrounding you. They serve as a compass, guiding your choices and actions as you navigate through life. 

If you can’t name your values immediately, this activity is for you, too. Completing this activity was more important than I initially thought. Consciously identifying my values allowed me to articulate certain beliefs that had previously been a little vague and hazy.

Try the activity 

Choose your core values. How to choose? Ask yourself these questions: 

Which values speak to my core beliefs?

Which values do I currently want to direct my time and energy toward?

Which values support my guiding principles that shape my actions, choices, and interactions in meaningful ways?

Here’s a list to get you started, organized by theme. It is not comprehensive. Your values may not be listed here, but it’s a start.

The values list

Living Values Contemplative Communication

33.8KB ∙ PDF file

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Create a living values statement

Once you determine your values, the next step is to restate or define your values in a memorable way that helps you articulate the action behind each value. Use action words or vocabulary that inspires you. Ask yourself:

What can I do to experience this daily?

How can I cultivate my values more mindfully?

I keep my living values list close by as a reminder. It has guided me more than once when I had a decision to make. My current personal values are:

• Contemplation (making time and space for contemplative practices, qigong, mediation, and gratitude) 

• Wisdom (gaining and sharing knowledge through traveling, teaching, workshops, and writing)

• Harmony (maintaining a life in balance, including emotions, mental state, health, and spending time in nature)

• Freedom (realizing inner liberation, freedom from ignorance, flexible schedule) 

Having this list is powerful. It helps me determine what to give my energy and focus to and, more importantly — what not to. It’s a relief to focus on four values and not feel like I have to attend to everything!

My list even influenced my actions in starting this enterprise. Contemplative Communication speaks to all four of my values. I will add this value-based activity to my yearly well-being plan because values are bound to shift as we grow and evolve.  Make your value statements meaningful to you so that they inspire and guide you in your daily life.

Show your values

Now for the fun part. A values board can bypass the left-hemisphere speech-oriented part of your brain and move directly to the right hemisphere, which generally dominates the emotional and behavioral processing center. Find or create images that visually represent your values. Place the images where you can see them every day.

Let’s get to know each other better! Share your values in the comments. Learning someone’s core values is a little like being handed a precious glimpse into someone’s inner psyche.

Welcome to the newsletter for people who want to experience a deeper connection through contemplative communication. Consider this an invitation to take a few minutes for yourself.

There are some key concepts that I want to explore and unpack — in order to grow more understanding and empathy for ourselves and others. To kick this off, I’d like to start with the concept of perfectionism. I’ll start with some considerations on perfectionism, and then we’ll go into a 5-minute guided reflection. Yes, there is homework!

We’re starting with perfectionism because I encounter it quite a bit in my work-life as an academic - both from my students and from the faculty I work with. And, of course, in myself, too. What is your relationship to perfectionism?

I usually hear about perfectionism in the form of a confession, followed by a shrug of the shoulders, “I’m just a perfectionist.” Something innocent like — I am careful and detail oriented and like to do good work. I also hear it in the context of group work — especially that the perfectionists tend to take on most of the work so they can ensure it is getting done in a manner they see fit.

But in Kerri Kelly’s recent book: “American Detox: the Myth of Wellness and How We Can Truly Heal,” she argues that

“We don’t need juice fasts or yoga fads. We need to detox from a culture rooted in perfectionism, white supremacy, and individualism — and move toward a model that embodies mutual responsibility and extends beyond self-help to collective care.”

And this is an important and loaded statement because — what does white supremacy have to do with perfectionism? How are perfectionism, white supremacy, and individualism related, as Kelly suggests? Let’s consider this for a minute.

Maybe you’ve heard of Tema Okun’s work. She’s noted for creating a manifesto on White Supremacy Culture - listing a variety of characteristics that can show up in organizations. She says that these characteristics can be so damaging because they’re used as norms and standards without outright naming them or identifying them. When she says white supremacy culture she means the dominant culture - the culture power elite - the ruling class. 

Which is sometimes invisible. Because it’s everywhere.

These are the traits and characteristics that show up in people’s attitudes and behaviors — in both white people and people of color.

The culprits

So, Here are some of the traits of perfectionists. Take a moment to notice if any of these resonate with you:

• Seeing mistakes as a reflection of yourself or of others rather than opportunities for growth.

• Confusing making a mistake with being fundamentally flawed. 

• Neglecting to reflect and learn from failures, thus missing valuable lessons.

• Focusing primarily on what is wrong while struggling to articulate and appreciate what is right.

• Hosting a constant inner critic rather than embracing self-appreciation and compassion.

• Fear of failure.

The antidotes

Now let’s turn our attention to some of the antidotes to perfectionism.

• We can create a  culture of appreciation where the efforts and contributions of each participant are recognized and valued. We can create a learning culture that embraces mistakes as opportunities for growth and development. 

• In this kind of environment, mistakes can be seen as a potential source of positive outcomes. Attempts do not need to be framed as failures. Let’s reframe mistakes as attempts and celebrate them  —as in—you made an effort to try something new; well done. 

• We can also cultivate the ability to separate the person from the mistake, understanding that our errors never define our worth.

• When offering feedback to others we can practice speaking first about what went well before offering any constructive criticism. We can encourage others to provide not just criticism but specific suggestions for improvement, fostering a supportive and growth-oriented environment.

• Lastly, we can recognize that being overly critical of ourselves doesn’t enhance our work or contribute to our overall well-being. Instead, it diminishes our joy and prevents us from fully learning from our mistakes - our attempts. 

Building a new culture

We can start this process by being aware and noticing when perfectionism rears its head and then treating ourselves with a little more kindness and understanding. Instead of focusing on what is wrong, we can put emphasis on articulating and appreciating what is right. Once we do this for ourselves, it’s important to help others reframe this perfectionism narrative as well. We can support our families, our coworkers, our students, our kids, our parents, our friends, and our loved ones in challenging these really pervasive and harmful narratives.

The end goal is to reflect and practice together, so let’s do this.

Guided reflection

This post is dedicated to a former student in my Mindful Communication course who confided in me that she was struggling with perfectionism.

What about you?

Thank you for being here. How did that go? What is your relationship to perfectionism? What would you like to see here? What topics are you interested in exploring? Leave a comment and say hello!

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